jitsuzonshugi

"From the way that you acted
To the way that I felt it
It wasn't worth my time
And now it's sad cause all I missed
Wasn't that good to begin with
And now I've started you begging
Saying things that you don't mean
It isn't worth my time
A line's a dime a million times
And I'm about to see all of them

You call my name when I wake up
To see things go your way
I'm coughing up my time
Each drag's a drop of blood a grain
A minute of my life
It's all I've got just to stay down
Why the fuck am I still down
I'm hoarding all that's mine
Each time I let just one slip by
I'm wasting what is mine

I'm about to see a million things
I thought I'd never see before and I
I'm about to do all the things I've dreamed of
And I don't even miss you at all

Goodbye to you,
You're taking up my time."

1) after all the hardships and one sleepless night, i'm just glad that it is all over.
2) this thing between us? now i'd like to think of it more as a happy coincidence.
3) i keep my promises. see? i'm keeping your memory vague.

10 words to sum up this day up:
1) crazy.
2) fun.
3) surprising.
4) frustrating.
5) tiring.
6) unexpected.
7) strange.
8) hot.
9) lazy.
10) rainy.

and 8 more words to end this: let's just not bring the past back, shall we?



i'll type more when i'm free from all this school stuff and shit. toodles.

"Well, everyone I know has got a reason to say put the past away."

there are just so many things that has happened since God knows when, like unexpectedly seeing a classmate in the mall bookstore, watching this very weird movie, buying a new mp3 player and meeting you. modesty aside, i know i have this good memory and shit but the last happened so long ago now that i'm not sure if i still remember.
the only problem now is, for some unexplainable reasons you just keep me hanging on. i don't care how much pain i'd have to endure in the process; all i care about is walking out of that door and never looking back on everything i will, hopefully, leave behind.
"you know, i waited this long just to say goodbye."




now back to studying.

perhaps it'd be a whole lot better if i'd just let it all go. maybe everything would fall back to where and how it was before.
the longer i stay, the smaller it gets.

still, i can't.
oh, and with all the familiar faces in this place...

how can i make this stop? how can i make it not about you?



the anxiety grows.
my heart throbs.

"when i see you..."

"i've never felt alone.
i'm alright on my own.










'til i met you."

Just an old friend coming over
Now to visit you and
That's what I've become
I let myself in
Though I know I'm not supposed to but
I never know when I'm done

And I see you fogging up the mirror
Vapor around your body glistens in the shower
And I wanna stay right here
And go down on you for an hour
Or stay and let the day just fade away
In a wild dedication
Take the moment of hope
And let it run

Never look back
At all the damage we have done now
To each other
To each other
To each other

But when I see you
It's like I'm staring down the sun
And I'm blinded
There's nothing left to do
and still I see you

I never believe that things that they happen for a reason
And they never go as planned
I wanted to thank you for a vision that was lost that youreturned
But you're past where you understand

Now her appetite is blown
Little else is known
except she's a little angry
Grabs a towel, looks away
and heat fades with the day
And I fall down on what to say
oh something clean, let me be clever
Hey oh well, whatever
But that's not what I mean
Where we're been has left us burned
still i wont turn now from a fight
You know I'll never win

so when I see you
you know all the things I've done
well i'm blinded
Like I'm staring down the sun
When I see you
When I see you
When I see you
It's like I'm staring down the sun

Time it passes and it tells us what we're left with
We become the things we do
Me, I'm a fool, spent from defiance
yeah you got me but
I didn't give up on you

icarus is not a tee shirt or a swan song, no
He is born again and
It's not easy being me
but I can't promise I will mend
Or bend when you believe
That we are fixed now from our birth
And I've just fallen back to earth
Still you know I'll try again
Cause I believe that we are lucky
We are golden
We have stolen manners
in the days when we were one

So when I see you
In spite of all that we've become
I'm still blinded
But I'm still staring down the sun
When I see you
When I see you
When I see you
When I see you

Oh yeah
I'm still staring down the sun
Oh yeah
I'm still staring down the sun
Oh yeah
Well I'm still staring down the sun
I'm blinded

When I see you
When I see you
When I see you

i need a confidante/i miss my "pet dog".

i have another headache. on top of that, i still have many things to finish.

i miss typing in my native language. that's why i've been spending more time in my wordpress blog than here.
man, i'm beat. and i've got nothing more to say.

"And day lights, craving
Sunshine on this frozen heart
I am wishing you well
Wondering how you are

And time heals
But these scars keep on tearing us apart
And sometimes ending is the only place to start

If you and I are going under
Maybe we can both recover
And find forgiveness for each other
Even if this is goodbye."

my body reacted positively on two months worth of medication. and that is good news.
but still i have to continue the medication for another month, just for maintenance. i need to continue being normal and all.
then, i will have another check-up, this time i will consult a real endocrinologist - a thyroid specialist to be exact.
as far as i remember, the doctor mentioned about an ultrasound. i don't like the sound of that.
so far, so good.

in other news, i'm still stuck with school work, and i plan to finish most of them tonight. yes, i'm planning to stay awake the whole night.
i never cared about studying that much, so i've never done it before. i want to know how it feels like even just one time.

this time, i'll be gone.

dear saturday,
why must you be the day i realize all my worries and fears? why can't you just be marked as the end?



i dread the moment you come.

"i don't know who i'm kidding, imagining you care.



will it ever change?"






it's been a weird day.

the back of my elbow is once again badly bruised and in pain.
you'd say it's just a small prick. i'm saying yeah, i'm that sensitive.

and i don't like the way things are going around me these days.
first, i have so much to do (but i still have excuses to use the laffy and type even just a short post full of nonsense).
second, there's this thing i was hiding from a friend, in fear that she might get hurt and i don't want that to happen. i told someone already, and hopefully i will be able to do something about it by the end of the semester.
lastly, of course, is about me. you know with this disease and all, the more i discover, the more twisted it gets. i get scared at times, too, you know. and this is definitely one of those times.


but as they say, these too shall pass.

i was young when i first saw you. now i believe i am becoming of age.

it was causing me so much trouble, hence the fact that i am currently moving on.
i'm almost there, but there are questions that still linger here.

is it really ending? do i really want this to end in the first place?



i'm listening to your mixtape endlessly playing in my head. i hope it helps put me to sleep tonight.

my head is spinning.





maybe it's because you're in it again.

i only have three more weeks and i'm gonna be looking at my first summer vacation since i started college.
two months of freedom and rest, at long last.

this summer, i'm gonna go out of the house and chill. i'm gonna visit my favorite beach and feel a different wind blowing in a place far from the city. i'm gonna take pictures and relax for as long i want.
i won't care about anything else but myself.
perhaps i'd let my hair grow longer and let it be blown by the wind. i'd watch as many movies i can watch in the morning, maybe read a book or two or practice writing poetry. then i'd sleep through the rest of the day and wake up at night to spend it looking at the clear night sky full of stars with my favorite tunes playing through my earphones.
i'd take care of nothing else but myself.

this time i could be happy.


but i'm still here, stuck with school work. for the mean time, i'll do the best that i can and when it's done, i can do everything i want.
for now, i can't do anything but work to the limit, and hope that this will soon be over.

"there
is
nothing
but
air
between
us."

"hold on to me and never let me go."

1) today, so far, is fun - for several personal reasons.
2) i already can't wait for summer vacation.
3) but before that, there are these things i still need to finish...
4) i would love to go to the beach this summer.
5) and maybe changing some parts of my look.
6) since my horoscope said i need changes in my life.
7) but should i really believe in that thing?
8) anyway, honestly, i am considering a new haircut.
9) i miss having one.

10) for this certain paper, i need to watch nodame cantabile live action.
11) and omg, tamaki hiroshi is so hot!XD

12) i'm hungry and i don't know what to eat.
13) it's just either dairy products or loads of sugar.
14) i can't take any of the above.
15) maybe i'll just get water from the fridge later.
16) that will do for the mean time.

17) and now i need to go.
18) but before that, i will leave something for the amusement of special people in my life.

19) someone: alyssa, may load ka? pakitext naman si iji o. :))

20) and lastly, ｢うそに愛が生まれない。｣