Toss it up*

Currently having a spectacular dinner made by mom while cyberstalking a certain someone. Okay, that was creepy and that's not true because I'm stalking that person in real life. Wtf. That was creepier and that's not true, either. Should I just stop typing now?
The truth is, actually, yes, aside from the fact that I am having my dinner and YES it's very much likable, I saw this certain someone earlier today. And that was quite unexpected, that I am telling you. I was sitting quietly in the jeepney and a car drove past. Saw and recognized the make and the plate. Also saw and recognized the person driving the car. It was bliss, because the moment was just so random and unexpected. I even half shouted "What the fuck!" when I saw it was this certain someone, and since my right ear is quite dysfunctional these past couple of days, I think I didn't just half shouted it. This happened on my way to school (actually, I was already in school that time, it's just that I wasn't in my building yet) and it wasn't a bad way to start the school day.
Also, the US and CS lists came out today. Apparently, I was looking for my name in the wrong list. 'Nuff said.
In other news, I think I will sleep early tonight. But what's so new about that?

Will type tomorrow if the wind brings me something good.

Just hours fresh from JLPT. I think it's best not to comment on it until the results come out next year. For now, all I can say is that I am thankful that the exam is over.

The aforementioned examination is not actually the reason for this post. The strange truth is that I've been here and back again since Friday night, and I have been itching to type about this certain person (refer to the last post for more details) but the words just won't come out. I guess words won't be able to justify what I feel now towards that certain person. I don't know what to call it. I'm not even sure if it has a name.
So yeah, you. Can you please tell me how come you have such an effect on me?
Don't tell me I'm in love, because that's just too cliche.

I think this certain song (for a certain person) will be the only song on my playlist for an incredibly long time.

I have just finished watching P.S. I Love You for the third time, and I have raccoon eyes. Yes, it was the third time I watched it but dammit, I cried from start to finish yet again. It's just such a wonderful movie and it never ever fails to touch me. And I thank my future brother-in-law for sending the DVD.
Gosh, I feel like a real softie.

So news. There's nothing special this week apart from what has already been mentioned in the past posts, really, well maybe except for the Japanese Language Proficiency Test on Sunday (I'm taking the Level 3 exams, wish me luck!). Haven't had Archaeology and Pan Pil 12 classes this week as the professors in both subjects were MIA. Well, we were informed about the absence of the prof in the first subject, so it's totally cool. I just don't know about the prof in the second subject though. Luckily enough, I have a PE subject this semester which is cheerleading, by the way, but contrary to what most people think, well, there are no minis and pompoms involved in this PE class. We just have to watch events, mostly sports ones, wear a specific shirt, shouts our heads off for our university's team and have some card stamped by a pep squad member. Pretty sweet, I know. My problem now is, my class was assigned to watch softball, a sport I know nothing about except that it's something like baseball, in UST. There are no tickets needed to be bought and that's super cool but I don't know how to go to UST, much less find the softball field or wherever the hell that sport is played. And since I don't really know anyone personally in that class, I don't have any travel buddies or whatever, and that just makes the whole thing more screwed than it originally is. But anyway, the games won't start until next year, so I guess I would have found a way to get through it by that time. Who knows, I might find someone who'd be kind enough to act as a tour guide.

Other than that, I can't think of anything else to type about. That, I think, is quite ironic, considering that I haven't stopped thinking since I woke up this morning. I mean, just where is your Propranolol prescription when you need it? It's been like ten months since I last took one and hell it really helps make me feel better in some way, and I am thinking it might be time to ask the doctor for a new prescription of that (You can actually legally do that, I mean, if you're in my situation you're the only one who could tell how you feel and they can't say no when you ask for that kind of medication. The drug is nothing addictive though, I'm telling you. I just think I badly need it, especially these days.). I feel nervous about something I can't really pinpoint. And there's this one person who's been in my head since I last saw him yesterday morning, and I think he'll be in there for a long time.
Unless he does something to make me think of moving him somewhere else inside of me.

1) Lately, I've been getting the impression that you can't be in the state university and be medicated on a long term basis. I mean, it's suicide. Thank goodness I'm on my third to the last semester, and I don't have to wait that much longer. Still, I don't think I can be sick.

2) I've only had two out of three classes today and there's nothing to do except the recording for Lingg 170. About the recording, well, we had to translate an English song to Tagalog and sing it in class. Yes, in a linguistics class. I'm not really sure what's gotten into our professor but the activity is a bit refreshing, except for the performance part. Half of the class, including me, sang our very own translations this morning. Mine was Yellow by Coldplay, and I'm none too proud of my translation. Honestly, I didn't put much effort to it/I'm not really a fan of translation. My professor actually said I had a good singing voice. Shame on me if I didn't; that would be like defying my name. But seriously, I think it was quite flattering, since a lot has already changed with my voice since I stopped singing long ago and I seriously thought I had stamped that shit out of me already. Anyway, my classmates had good translations, singable ones, yes, and there were some crazy ones that made most of us in the class bang our heads our tables. There's still half of them, and I'm definitely looking forward to Friday.

3) A new building was inaugurated back in school this morning, and people said the president came. I'm not sure; there was a rally and I really really wanted to go but we lost communication with the group we were supposed to go with. Oh well. So much for throwing eggs at her. Damn, that would have been sweet.

4) I don't have Archaeo 2 tomorrow since my professor is in Vietnam because of some conference. Then I don't have majors, too, because we have to listen to a paper presentation. So...I can maybe review for the JLPT this weekend (Wish me luck!) and sleep early. (What's so new about the last part, anyway?)

5) I've already downloaded an instrumental version of Yellow for the recording, but my throat is already tired. I'll record tomorrow; that's a must.

6) I was reading this book I found in the library with the word "destiny" in its title. It turned out to be about astrological signs and all that stuff. The book said I belong to the Gemini-Cancer or the Magic cusp, and it also says that people who belong in that cusp has a good balance of feeling and logic. I don't know about that part, but as much as I hate it, there were some parts that really come close to what I am. It was a pretty interesting read.

7) In relation to the Lingg 170 thing, I think I need to update my playlist now. I'm so stuck with the 90's.

8) I'm sorry for typing such long posts lately. I need to get these all out of me before they pollute my head. I'm thinking of typing about something special, but maybe I will do it next time.

I've been so tired lately. There are a lot of things that needs to be done and I feel like I don't get enough sleep. My schedule for December is already full and to top it all off my headache just doesn't freaking go away. Plus there's this issue about the L word that's been bothering me though I know it's not worth my time. There's barely three weeks left before the Christmas vacation, and to tell you honestly I can hardly wait for the next couple of weeks to be over.
So yeah, it's Christmas. The weather's been cold and my brain seems to do nothing else but sleep. But yeah, before I forget, my wishlist this year only contains three things. First is a planner, an electronic one as much as possible. Second, is a pair of shoes I can wear to school everyday because I'm sick of wearing flip flops. The last, and what I've been wishing for for the last couple of years, are matching bedsheets, preferably sea green, neon green, stripes or black. Most likely I will end up getting all those three for myself.
About the L word. Well, I've come up with a decision, and a final one at that. I give up. It's not for me. So... I'm not gonna put myself out there anymore and make myself seem like a total fool. The whole thing is bogus, so...like I said: I give up. I know it's kind of early for a New Year's resolution, but what the hell, it's just a month early.

Everyone has trademarks. You know, things people remember about them even if they're already gone. I haven't found mine, and I doubt I have one, but rather that live in someone else's shadow, I'd rather be forgotten. Cheap. Zen. In the end, I'm just gonna be the girl you once knew.

Sorry for typing like this. I'm just bored is all. Totally bored. Don't ask with what.

It's only been an hour since I got home from a visit to my high school with a friend. I wasn't so keen on the idea at first, but I'm glad we went. I have no other words to explain what happened back there. I'm not sure; my brain seems to be asleep since the first day of my new dosage. But I may type about it one of these days, that is, if I'm not going to be busy or if my brain will be functioning normally. I seriously doubt that would happen, but I will try.

Ah, that reminds me. I went to this new endocrinologist with my dad this Monday. Aside from the doctor and the dosage, well, there's nothing really new. I won't be going back there until after a hundred days. Yes, I counted.

It's been days since I started to obsess over David Balfour, who incidentally is a fictional character. There is something more to it, but I don't think it would be a good idea to share it here. I'll think about it, though.

In the meantime, I'll be leaving you with this post. It's hardly sufficient, I know, but I'm afraid I'm going to fall asleep on this laptop, so, I wish you an early good night.

All things have been said and done, but all the thoughts at the back of my head remains hidden.
A long time has passed since the beginning, but it's just now that I've given thought of it.
It's been years since I first met this person. I can't even remember where and how. What I know is that we still have communication with each other even after all this time. That I definitely cherish. We don't talk regularly, but I know with each sentence we say to each other, he imparts something of him to me, and I'm pretty sure I do the same to him.
It's too nice a feeling to know that somewhere out there, somebody is ready to help you. It's too nice a feeling to know that somewhere out there, somebody shares the same interests, even the same playlist, with you. And I guess it's one of the best feelings in this world to know that somewhere out there, there's a soul that understands. Even if you've never met organically. Even if you've never met eye to eye.
I'm not sure. I told you it's just now that I've given thought of it. I've been on the sidelines for the longest time, watching, waiting. I'm happy with where I am, but I cannot say that I am contented. Even from the beginning, all I wanted was to be there for someone.
I just know I have to be there for someone.
This person I'm talking about, I know there is a lot going on for him, a great mix of good and bad. I have been a part of the audience for the longest time, and there have been random times when I wanted to be a part of the game. The desire grows every time, though I can't say exactly how and why. Maybe I know too much or I care too much. Either way, I just want to step in there and stop being a mere spectator. But I can't possibly do that, can I?
But it all comes to this. Given all circumstances and chances, I want to be there.
And if I can't be his guiding light, I'd be his eyes.